Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
