The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
