PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
