Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How external is "for external use only"?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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