Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
