If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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