Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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