i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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