i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
