You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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