What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
