bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
