she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
