I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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