You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
