I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
