a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
