I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
