i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I did not marry a roomba.
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