R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
