I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
