Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
