Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
