pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
