so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
