I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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