i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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