Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
