and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
