Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
where are you?
Hypothermia
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
