there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
