Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
