you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I cut my penus on the lid.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
