YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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