There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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