Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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