Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
