I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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