so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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