I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
