soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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