I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I need a burrito and a hug.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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