u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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