She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
