She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
