I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
