He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize