And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So many bounce houses so little time
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
