i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
