u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
