According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize