I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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