Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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