I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
