I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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