I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
