one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
