i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
