I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
