We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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