took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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