I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
