I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
