He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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