You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
