does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
