i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
