If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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