Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
