i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
